You dive behind the filing cabinet...a hail of bullets pinging off the sturdy steel surface. It sure is a good thing you bought this incredibly awesome filing cabinet that you saw listed on Craiglist one day. The ad said it was a "Super Heavy Duty" filing cabinet, and you bought it just needing office furniture, but you didn't know the back story. 

You poke your head out a bit, just in time to see the 70's era baddie with a grease gun slam another clip home and stand there, silk tie around his head Rambo-style, as he squeezes the trigger to send another fusillade of hot lead your direction. 

See, this cabinet had been manufactured in the 70s or 80s, back when they actually made filing cabinets in the US out of Detroit steel. It lived its life as a filing cabinet, serving admirably. However, its ugly battleship grey surface became un-stylish, and it was soon to be replaced by some new-fangled particle board furniture with shining brass knobs and plastic tracks. Nobody wanted the old grey cabinet, it had no place in this world. One man however saw a future in this chipped and ugly cabinet. Why should he spent $200 to buy a crummy Chinese filing cabinet expertly made out of used BBQ tinfoil when he could have this behemoth steel monster grace his office? The answer...he shouldn't! He showed up with a buddy, loaded up the filing cabinet into the back of a truck and off it went to his garage. Here, he painstakingly disassembled the filing cabinet, removing the rails and bearings, locking mechanism, and reduced it to its base components. He then took the pieces of this ungodly heavy cabinet to a powder-coating outfit in Paso Robles, where they powder coated it with a shiny black finish. The man picked up all the pieces, reassembled the cabinet, and used it for three years as his trusty "dump stuff in it and worry about it later" cabinet. 

However, he decided to move to Thailand to pursue a career in English Teaching, and really needed the money to help fund his trip. Seeing as how airlines are charging far too much for baggage these days, he didn't think he could get the massive 4-drawer monster in the overhead compartment, so he decided to sell it. 

You breathe a sigh of relief as this awesome cabinet you so insightfully purchased saves you from the baddies. Thank god for that guy on Craigslist! 

The A-team arrives to deal with the baddie problem... Mr. T takes one look at the cabinet..."Dayyum...thats a nice cabinet." 

Specs: 

18" Wide 

28.5" Deep 

52" Tall 

Color: Black 

Drawers: 4 Awesomely Cool Drawers 

Price: $125...you can also pay more for it if you want, because its that awesome, and I need the cash.